I wrote this many years ago, and it was published in my first book. I think, from all the long drawn out painfully emotional poems I wrote for Yasmine,
this one encapsulates my questions about her passing on in a simple universal way. Aside from missing the person you loved very much,
those of left behind when this person passes on are always left wondering what would have happened had they stayed. Every week I wonder if my problems would be different,
if choices I made would have been easier, if the concept of home would have existed in any house she lived in, if I would have eaten healthier, and loved more and smoked less and hugged more and danced more and worried less…Yasmine was a very beautiful woman, in many ways. It has been easier to deal with her early departure due to the continuous emails, msgs, phone calls and conversations about her from a long line of people she helped, loved, sheltered and laughed with. We have been blessed to have her with us, even for a short while. Today it has been 15 yrs since she passed on. Time flies, my memories remain, rooted in immovable sand and flowers and rivers.
And tears.

QUESTIONNAIRE

I wonder
if tears would remain heavy with salt
if father would still have learnt to cry
if the shape of my center would change
less of a pinprick in my heart
less of an ache
I wonder
if the sun would beat down not so harshly
snow not sting this flesh so sharp
so bitter
if my curls would spring forth lighter
and my flesh shimmer
abandoned in love
I wonder
if the morning wake would be tender
and the future would beckon in arms of peace
if the youth shining in me lost not its splendor
the loves I destroy not split me asunder
I wonder
I wonder what would happen
if you were still
with me
Mother